When My Body Said No and What I Learned From It

A couple of years ago, during a really emotional time when I was going through my divorce, I started to experience excruciating back pain. It felt like something had been set off deep inside. One day at the gym, doing my usual kettlebell workout, it tweaked again but this time my body went straight into flight mode. I put everything down and walked out. Tears filled my eyes and my mind immediately went to the darkest place. Spine operation. Never being free of pain. Never being able to lift my son without fear again.

The pain felt emotional as much as physical. Like a needle going into my soul, dramatic maybe, but that is honestly what it felt like. My body just stopped trusting itself. Lifting my son, climbing stairs, any small movement became loaded with anxiety. The hypervigilance made everything worse and I knew it, but I could not stop it.

At the time I did not have a local Bowen therapist, so I decided to see an Osteopath. I thought perhaps they could give me a more specific idea of which area of my spine was affected and if I needed to see my GP or a specialist.

The appointment that taught me everything

The osteopath was professional and thorough, but during the initial assessment, while they were testing my balance and muscles, I was suddenly hit by a wave of nausea and had to sit down. I did not think much of it at the time but looking back now I know exactly what that was, my body was already telling me something.

When the treatment began they pressed straight into my hip. There was no warning, no checking in, no "this may feel uncomfortable, we will go at your pace." They did nothing wrong technically but I could not let go, I tensed and then shut down. The treatment could not do what it needed to do because my nervous system had already decided it was not safe and therefore the protection walls went fully up.

These kinds of approaches can feel clinical and that is not a criticism, it is just the reality. Clinical does not always equal calm and calm can mean everything.

Why this matters

For someone like me, tuned in and responsive, force does not open things up. It closes things down. My nervous system does not hear pressure and think this is safe, let us lean in. It hears threat and the very thing the treatment needs to reach becomes inaccessible.

This is not weakness, it is intelligence. Your nervous system is doing exactly what it was designed to do.

In my Bowen clinic I do things differently. The room is low lit and quiet, there is very little talking during treatment because I want your body and mind to soften without distraction. If anything requires more pressure I will always ask first and we will always go at your pace. 

Almost all of my clients begin to relax within ten to fifteen minutes of being on the couch. Their breathing slows and deepens and the body leans in and the mind begins to let go. That is not something I do to them, that is their nervous system deciding it is safe enough to rest and that is when the real work begins.

What I want you to take from this

If you have tried other treatments and felt like your body just would not respond, it was not because you were broken or difficult or beyond help. It may simply have been that your nervous system never felt safe enough to let the work in.

That is not failure, it is your body protecting you. Sometimes we just need something different, the right conditions and environment. Safe enough to finally let go.

I offer Bowen sessions in Holt, Trimingham and Northrepps. If any of this resonates and you have been wondering whether Bowen might feel different, I would love to hear from you.

You can book an appointment or find out more here